I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
50% drunk capacity currently
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
