how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
