I think scott just propositioned me for sex
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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