I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Randomize
