I hope mine doesn't look like that
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
