Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
