The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
