I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
