I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize