I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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