Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
God, I missed his penis.
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