can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
