now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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