the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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