better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
