Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
