i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
