Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
