..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
