It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
