I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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