you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
