I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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