i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
