Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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