after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
