Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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