Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
