I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
