I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
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The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
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Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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