I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
