She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Sorry about my life...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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