i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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