His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Im part way to drunk.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
