neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
