I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
whose ass print is on the piano?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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