She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
