ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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