You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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