We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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