you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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