my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
