so that wasnt chicken after all
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
