so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
