Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
