She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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