Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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