Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize