Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
