Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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