went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
