No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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