Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
