I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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