"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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