I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
