But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
