Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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