there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
