I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
