omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
