Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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