tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
